when God moves you

Fifteen years ago, God laid a dream on my husband's heart. Last December, He made it quite clear now was the time for David to pursue that dream.

Two years ago, I began praying that we would move - a desire placed there by God, whispers of greater dreams to come. Tuesday, this was planted in our front yard.
 

And the emotions swirl.

Excitement. Apprehension. Sadness. Joy. Gratitude. Plus many times of questioning our sanity...if we're doing the right thing.

Because for the past nine years, God has blessed us with a beautiful home with a made-for-kids backyard on an idyllic street. A home which has accommodated our growing family and changing interests and comfortably welcomed in many, many family and friends over the years.

It's hard to shed the second skin.

It's harder when you are shedding that second skin for a much smaller one. (At least, we think it will be much smaller. We're waiting for the final word from God on that one).


But when God moves you, the skin which once fit so well begins to chaff.

So we shed this skin in faith that God has a better one in store. Skin more suited to these God-sized dreams we've been dreaming. It may take a little getting used to, but we can trust our Maker - the One who is in the business of trading our fig leaves for cloth designed and wrought by Him.

pregnant with expectation

I feel like I'm pregnant.

I'm not (!) physically, but spiritually, I am.

I am heavy with waiting to birth whatever God is going to birth in me, in us, in this season of Dave-going-back-to-school-and-neither-of-us-is-working-in-the-traditional-sense-of-working-for-a-paycheck.

There is a time in pregnancy when the due date approaches, when the back aches and the waddle exaggerates and just turning over in bed is a special op maneuver and you know your baby can survive outside the womb that cradles... It's at this point you say "Now Lord. I'm ready for this baby to be birthed today. Please, let it be NOW!"

But He says, "Not yet."

So with every passing minute, you wonder if it is the minute for labor to begin. But the minutes keeps ticking into hours, into days, into weeks? Thankfully, those final stretch minutes don't tick into months and the longest I've heard any women going past their due date is three weeks.  A very looong, feels-like-another-trimester three weeks.

This is where I am right now.

Except I don't have the assurance of an end date in sight. Scripture is hardly comforting in this matter if you're looking for God to answer quickly. After all, Abraham & Sarah, Isaac & Rebekah, Jacob, Rachel, Joseph, Hannah, Elizabeth and countless others were waiting years, decades, to hear God's "Now!" And will I be able to wait that long?

Enter: Faith.

It carries us beyond our ability to see, to hear, to bear. Through faith, we ride the current of God's faithfulness to see us through the gestation period. And when I don't think I can bear it one. minute. longer., He reminds me how the ones who waited and trusted in Him were blessed beyond all they could ask or image...

Abraham & Sarah...received a son in the line of Christ
Isaac & Rebekah...blessed with a twins - a double portion
Jacob...returned home with a family, wealth, a new name and to a brother who no longer wanted to kill him
Rachel...birthed a baby who would save his family from starvation
Joseph...elevated to second in command in all of Egypt
Hannah...birthed the prophet who would anoint David king over Israel
Elizabeth... birthed the prophet would would prepare the way for, and baptize, Jesus


Is there something you too wait for in expectation? Or do you have a story to share of a time you waited on God and are now reaping the blessings of waiting in faith? Please share that we may pray and be encouraged.

celebrating the plunge

Yesterday, I shared this picture.

To celebrate.

The occasion?

Our last day on of depending us (i.e. Dave's last day on a payroll). For two months we chugged up the hill, knowing this day was looming. Yesterday we reached the top.

Today, we plunge down, falling on God's grace. It's a free fall that I know begins and ends cupped in God's hands. I'm not screaming nor is my heart is not in my throat (yet ;) and maybe this hill we've plunged over will be a short one. Regardless, the ride is bound to be one of twists and turns.

And the only way I can explain this absence of panic, this crazy peace, are the Words of the Father which quell the worries that try to niggle their way into my thoughts. The words whispered are trust and wait and do. not. fear.

Today we celebrate the plunge.

Celebrate with us?
 

thousand words thursday

I missed "Wordless Wednesday" and today is significant and so is tomorrow and I must mark this occasion in some way. So "Thousand Words" Thursday it is. And tomorrow, the story behind the significance...

the ride of your life

I've been going through Genesis with Bible Study Fellowship (BSF - it's international so there may be one near you if you want to check it out). It's amazing how much God has been speaking to me through Abraham's story and the whole trusting/believing Him thing.

This week we're reading about Sarah and the birth of Isaac and how God brought her laughter with his birth. And I think that is the kind of joy and laughter we can expect when we believe Him to do the impossible and wait on Him to bring life where it appears no life exists.

I wonder if that's why He had Abraham and Sarah wait so long. He could have given them Isaac earlier, just after Sarah went through menopause. But perhaps He wanted to remove even the slightest inkling in their minds that they could conceive a child on their own. There must have been a reason He wanted them to recognize they pretty much had one foot in the grave before He gave them new life and resurrected what was dead (see Romans here).

This brought me such hope because Dave and I are at the beginning of the waiting season. We're not sure how God is going to work all the details out and how close to He will bring us to death in certain areas of our lives. Because some things have to die before we see resurrection.

But what do we do in the meantime, while we await the resurrection, while we feel we are hanging, on barely to our hope, our dreams, our life. 

I think we choose to believe we're on the roller coaster ride of our life. Maybe it's cliche, but hang with me for a moment.

I think most people would agree roller coasters are thrilling to ride. Right?

We find joy in feeling our stomachs reach our throats, scare ourselves with the plummet down the first big hill and get banged around the loops and twists and turns of the track. We perceive this is fun because we trust the safety mechanisms will hold and the car will stay on the track.

Imagine that exact same ride done in an ordinary car. Not so fun. I'd probably throw up or pass out from the sheer terror of it. Because I couldn't trust that everything would turn out all right in the end.

And that's what God's been speaking to me lately...that I'm to trust I'm on a roller coaster with Him the power behind the car and the safety net that will keep the car on the tracks. He whispers, "Enjoy the ride. I have you covered. And that first big hill? The one you're speeding down and convinced you're about to crash at the bottom? That's the one that's setting you up for the ride of your life. So enjoy it. Laugh out loud. Raise your hands in the air. Scream with joy. And I'll meet you there at the end."

 We're just gearing up for the real ride before us, chugging up that first hill. Click. Click. Click. Holding our breath, closing our eyes, anticipating what is to come. Click. And though I can't promise God I exactly adore the feeling of my stomach in my throat, I will ask Him to keep me trusting Him for the thrilling ride that's ahead. Because He's got this. It's in His hands. 

God? we need to talk

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged...
 - God @ Joshua 1:9

Commanded me? I am commanded to be strong, courageous, unafraid and encouraged?

Lord, that's a strong word to use - commanded. It kind of sounds like You're serious. Like I would be disobeying you to give into my weak, cowardly, terrified, flat out discouraged self.


You see You have us on this journey that seems really exciting - Dave finally girding his loins with laptop, books, pen and paper, ready to begin the adventure of obtaining his Master's degree in child psychology - but there's also the minor detail of Who's Going to Pay for It. I mean I know You will because You're Jehovah Jireh and our Father and all greenbacks belong to You anyway. But exactly how all this is going to shake out leaving me quaking inside when I think about it.

Which is probably why You tell me not to do that either.

But it would be so much easier to obey You in the strong-courageous-unafraid-encouraged command if I could see little further down the road...You know, like to the end of it.

What's that? I am more blessed if I do not see and yet believe. And that's the point of faith? Good point. I often ask You for greater faith...

Yet I feel like Jacob today, Lord, wrestling with You for a blessing. For some confirmation that everything is going to work out okay (and by okay I mean, by not ending up destitute and on the street at the end of this whole adventure). I think that's what I'm scared of...suffocating under a heaping pile of debt.

 (Is being scared okay? It doesn't sound quite so...so...all out fearful like being "terrified." More like imaginary monsters in the closet than world coming to an end. So would feeling scared be okay with You? It wouldn't? Because it's the same thing as being afraid and I'm told not to be that either? Sigh. This whole Christ-following this is tough!).

So why do I want to let those scaredy cat emotions out of the bag? Do I think You'll suddenly change Your mind about Dave going back to school now and somehow being more blessed by that than plunging forward? Do I hope that You'll take pity on us and show exactly how all the t's will be crossed and i's dotted so we don't have to worry about the future? Do I really believe that doing this scared is better than confidently walking it out, certain that You'll be there to catch us when we stumble and thankfully this isn't eternity and any discomfort we suffer is only temporary?

Did You hear that teeny tiny part of me squeak out a "yes" to those questions?

Please ignore it.

God, I'd much rather have more of You and learn what it means to walk with You by faith than taking the easy way out. I want this path we're on to be one that brings You glory and I've heard that You get the greatest glory from the places where we are weakest in ourselves. Most of all, I want to know what it's like to obey Your commands -  to live as one strong, courageous, unafraid and encouraged. I see enough of living the other way in myself and in the world around me. I think it's time for a change. Will You help me?

Amen

what makes the cut

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. in. all. this. stuff.

And the thought of downsizing it, really downsizing it, sends me into mental hyperventilation. Because looking in all these bins, boxes and baskets, in drawers and behind doors and I can see just how much stuff we've acquired in this home-to-us of nine years.

It would be easier to eat this elephant if I could glibly toss or donate the no longer needed or wanted items.

But Seven showed me the beauty in donating meaningfully.

And as steward of God's earthly home for us, sending all the non-recyclable things to the trash pile doesn't sit well with me either.

What remains is painstaking sifting through years of accumulation. The hardest part is deciding what to do with the items that "might" come in handy some day. There's always that dread of purging our house of some items and then kicking myself soon after because a use for it suddenly popped up.

I could probably count on one hand the number of times this actually has happened.

So I defer to my go-to question: "Would I want to move this item?" That is, "Do I really want to pack this item up, move it to a new location and find somewhere to use/store said item?"

Put that way, there are a whole lot of things knocking about this house that just don't make the cut.

Including many of our *gasp* wedding photos. The ones we paid a stupid amount of money for. The ones sitting in boxes in a cabinet, collecting dust, taken out in less than a blue moon. I won't toss the whole collection of course, but I am paring it back. 

That will be the easy project (because all the best photos are in an album).

The harder project is deciding if or by how much I downsize my fabric collection. Because I still like tackling the occasional sewing project. And is there any good way to get rid of fabric scraps besides tossing them? Anyone want a grab bag of fabric scraps? Leave a comment with your email and I'll send you one (you pay the postage and we can work it all out through paypal). 
 

when God says it's time

Yesterday, God officially changed the trajectory of Dave's life (as he likes to put it). "Officially" because we acknowledged the change a month ago, but yesterday was the announcement at work to staff.

For 15 years, it's been on Dave's heart to become a child psychologist. Fifteen years...and getting married and having four children in 12 of those years and somehow the time never seemed right to change careers and pursue a Master's Degree and PhD.

God has been patient. I believe He would continue to be patient except, we are finite beings and while God has all the time in the world, we don't. So now is the time. God made that abundantly clear. And though the way in which this all came about was painful to go through, we rejoice in these circumstances because we know we pursue God's will for our lives.

Next week Dave starts classes and each step we must take for this next season of our life will be steps of faith. I'm just praying we stay on that narrow path because it's all rather foggy right now.

The biggest question is asking God how He will choose to provide for us with Dave in school full time and me a full time mom. The biggest challenge is to have no fear in the process of walking this out.

Or 3 a.m. anxiety and over-thinking things like I did early this morning.

And today His reminder:

In BSF: Do not be afraid [Beloved], I am your shield and your very great reward.

And in today's Gospel portion: But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.  

Oh how I need those reminders. How I need to repeat them until they become a part of every breath, every heart beat.

And if you pray, we can take all of that kingdom currency that we can get. Specifically?

• To be strong and courageous. To not be terrified or discouraged and remember that God is with us wherever we go. (Joshua 1:9)
• To let God's will and His desire for our provision be the number one desire of our hearts
• To prayerfully consider how and how much we downsize (this has been a prayer of mine for a couple of years now - the desire to live with less so we are open to give more)
• To be asking God if I am to help with our income (as of now I don't feel called to re-enter the workforce :) but I want to be sure this aligns with God's will