My brain is working frantically to wrap itself around that fact, to grasp the weightiness of what we face. I struggle to leave this place:
Quite frankly, it feels much safer to put down roots in the Land of Denial. If I can shrug something off as no big deal, than if I lose, the cut doesn't go as deep and the hurt is just a sting. Because living from the heart is a gamble and what happens when your heart breaks? What is left?
But God will not leave me to live this lie. He is exposing the truth I buried at my heart's first wound. That the cuts do go deep and the scars are there and the scar tissue builds and strangles and suppresses life. Life He came to give us to the full through His scars.
And to praise Him.
Praise Him for:
- Being the strength of my Dad's heart (Ps 73:26)
- Allowing my Dad to remain symptom free, surprising given the amount and extent of the blockages
- Prodding my Dad to take advantage of a company-sponsored physical which led to this discovery
- Placing my Dad at a company which offers this type of physical
- Choosing to have him live close to a hospital that is a world leader in cardiac care
- The decades of work and refinement poured into heart bypass surgery
- Having my grandfather (his dad) live for decades after his bypass surgery - one that was done when these types of surgery were in their infancy
- Leading my mom to discover a book on reversing the effects of heart disease through a plant-based diet - something that may help my dad keep his hereditary-high cholesterol levels low and perhaps without medication (believing Him for this one!)
- Prayers offered on my Dad's behalf
- The timing
- Not leaving me in the land of denial
- The strength and wisdom He is revealing in my youngest sister through this
- My husband and his compassion and concern