the current of motherhood

Everyone said it would happen - the years that would fly by and suddenly the infant you held is inches away from looking you in the eye as she stands on her own two feet.

And they were right.

Except in the midst of many sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, miles walked comforting a fussing child, and thousands of answered questions, demands met, it feels as if this physically intense parenting time will never end. Only it does and is replaced by emotionally intense parenting.

How I miss those days when I could make things better with a hug or a kiss or a cuddle. When decisions were focus on meeting basic needs of food and clothing and helping my children navigate relationships was a simple as teaching them to share their toys, and "no, it's not all right to hit because someone took the toy you were only thinking about playing with."

Perhaps I'll look back on this time in another decade and think similar thoughts about this new phase of parenthood we're on. The one where we face the advent of middle school, a diagnosing learning challenges, try to instill good work habits and teach God's way of being reconciled to one another and "no, 'doing unto others' does not mean you get to hit them back because they hit you first."

Sigh. I meant for this post to be a lighthearted look at our Mother's Day hike with a splash of photos to remember these all too fleeting days. Instead it has gone much deeper than I intended.

There were spots like that in the river too. From the banks it looked negotiable, but wade on in and the current is strong, the bottom rocky and pockets deeps.

My will would say battle the river, overcome the currents. But if I'm to survive the tide of motherhood, I must yield to the Lord's way. And His way is to halt the waters while I pass through or to lead me beside quiet waters where I remain untroubled. Perhaps this is a lesson to be learned for these next ten years...

when love grows

(This post is brought to you by patience, the fourth fruit of the Spirit...my backspace button is not working on my laptop and I now realize how much I rely on this key. Seriously. Try typing anything without using your backspace button. Only hunting and pecking could be slower.)

When Friday embraced Saturday, Brie crept in our room. She whispered help, an accident caused by a back-to-school virus (I'm sure), needing a mother's attention. The kind of mess requiring a battle plan.

Forty minutes later we both were back in bed. 

Yet through the smelly mess of it all, I wondered at the calm attention I gave to the work and the lack of fatigue usually accompanying a midnight waking and my own body battling a cold virus. With each task I patiently labored, on my knees, with hands full and a heart full too - gratitude rising above these grimy circumstances.

I thanked Him for bleach, and rags and towels - we who have so much, there's enough left over to clean messes. I thanked Him for running water, hot running water, and washing machines, and mops and buckets and everything that makes these messes manageable.


Could this calm and peace and praise be God's way of revealing charted growth? His way of showing me that despite my feeling this, I am growing and He is growing all that is good within me.

I mark growth I can see; He marks the growth invisible.


I also did a lot of thinking about mothers though the ages and mothers now. The ones who don't have all these first world conveniences. I wondered how they manage messes requiring a battle plan. And what they do if their child's only clothes become soiled? Do they give their child the clothes off their own back? Would I? And am I doing what I can now to love other mothers as I love myself?

I hope so.

Gifts counted:

• bleach
• washing machines
• rags that were old clothes
• extra clothes to change into
• abundant towels
• mops
• sleeping in after midnight wakings :)
• making it through the rest of the night uninterrupted
• thinking of others

one of our sponsor kids

@ loving others : One of the ways I hope to love other mothers as myself is to sponsor their children and provide opportunities for education, full bellies and extra clothes to wear in case of midnight messes. We sponsor children through World Vision. That's Diego on the left when he was about 2. He's the same age to the date as Reese. We're not the best sponsor parents especially when it comes to correspondence and praying for them, but we're trying to change that.  And you can find your own sponsor child by visiting here. 

love is patient and I am...

Trying to be. I was going to say "not" but that isn't exactly true, it just feels that way sometimes. Most of the time.

So when I read this, it stuck with me.

How often through my day do I reach for the smack down card. That one look, word, consequence to silence the whining, complaining, arguing, woe-is-me-attutitudes from my four wee arrows which grate, and rub and bump hard against my spirit and perhaps are smoothing down my still-rough edges?

A friend once told me she was cautioned against praying for patience. Because God loves to answer that prayer, this first in the list of love, this fruit of the Spirit. And He often does it through cross-bearing circumstances.

The kind you usually ask Him to change. Or take away.

The kind I experienced last week.

A son who demands my attention because he is struggling to believe he is a lovable boy. A lie the enemy suggested to his 18-month-old self when we brought his brother home from the hospital. And most of the time I feel helpless in how to help him. And often I'm just plain annoyed that he doesn't believe we love him. But love takes time and time-bound me with three other small souls, a house and a husband to tend feels those sands slip away all too quickly.

And another son who reminds me of blind Bart. One who unabashedly, sometimes rudely and inappropriately demands to be noticed by smashing his brothers' Lego creations or pulling books off shelves or leaves out of books. Or just plain yelling. He's three. Grace and wisdom and...patience are needed. But sometimes they are slow in coming.

And even though I heard the warning not to pray for it, I just can't help myself. I have to pray for it.

Because if I don't then there is no hope for these spirit-crushing, knee-bending circumstances. If I do not believe God will grant me patience and is growing me patient then all that is left is despair and smack down cards.

That's not a deck I want to deal with.

*****
On my knees, nose to ground, I search and find these gifts:

• counseling sessions which give us the time and space to practice patience with Reese
• God delighting in hard prayers prayed
• A desire to pray for patience
• helping Ben to find his "inside stopper"
• grace cards and the chance to start again
• that God gave us these children knowing full well we'd mess it up every day
• autumn in the air
• birth of one fresh from heaven to a close friend

Happily sharing with:

snow grinches and peppermint pennies

 In an effort to keep us all from going stir crazy this first few days of vacation, I've been trying to think of activities to do with the kids. Monday's was making snowmen from construction paper. Here's Luke's:

It kind of reminds me of a snowman version of the grinch. :) (BTW in a completely unrelated side note, a few weeks ago at church, his Sunday school teachers took a picture of him and the other children. These were later to be used to make Christmas ornaments for the parents, but they also gave us a copy of the original photo. Luke had this totally GQ-like pose and facial expression. When I asked him why he wasn't smiling, he said he wanted it to be his "invisible mouth" picture. What a guy!)
 
And now onto the other project of the day...
It's been a looooong time since I made these babies, but there's something about peppermint that just smacks of Christmas.


Here's the recipe if you want to try them out:

Peppermint Pennies

1 c. butter or soy butter
2 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
2 2/3 c. flour
1 tsp. baking powder
smidgen of salt
1/2 c. cocoa
2 tsp. vanilla

Cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs and beat well. Sift dry ingredients together and add to creamed mixture. Mix well then chill at least one hour. Grease cookie sheets (essential!). Roll dough into balls and flatten into patty shapes. Place in 375 degree oven for 10-12 minutes. Cool slightly on pan then transfer to racks.

Icing (if you want a lot of icing between the cookies, double this recipe)
2 tbsp. butter or soy butter
1 2/3 c. icing sugar
2-3 tbsp. milk or soy milk
1/4 tsp. peppermint extract

 Mix all ingredients together, adding more milk if needed to make a smooth and creamy mixture. Spread desired amount on flat side of one cookie and top with a second cookie (flat sides together). Enjoy!

Variation: you also could crush some candy canes or peppermint candies to mix into the icing before spreading.